One thing I do remember because to me it was such a happy occasion is that for the first time in over 7 years, I had my own room again. What a happy day that was for me. I think that was the year I realized that I was okay with spending large segments of time alone. I didn't realize it at the time, but I now understand that I began then to feed and nurture my introverted self. I loved to go in my room and shut the door and lay on the bed and daydream or read. I had chosen the color scheme for the room and it was green and lavender. I even made some pillows in home economics and put them on my bed. I re-arranged the furniture regularly.
I had my favorite books on the shelf and my very own posters on the walls and doors. I would cut out letters and put sayings on the closet door. I had a desk with my very own drawers to put my treasures in.
My room was mine, all mine, unless we had out of town guests. And those guests were usually my grandparents and I always loved their visits so much that I didn't mind sleeping on the couch. In theory, my little sister wouldn't be getting into my things anymore (but we all know how that sort of things works out, don't we?).
It was a haven to me that was so sweet. The house was older, built probably in the 30s or 40s. There were large windows that let the sunshine in, but sturdy drapery to keep it out if I wanted. The sunshine would flood my room and it was so cheery. I just loved being in there.
I could listen to my radio, often quietly late at night..much later than I was supposed to. I'll even tell you a secret about me and that radio. I listened to boxing on Friday and Saturday nights. Loved it. I loved hearing the announcer and imagining the fight in my mind. I loved the sounds of it all, knowing it was happening far away and I could lay in my bed at 105 North Vandeventer Street in Kennett, Missouri and listen to it as it happened. Years later, I saw my first live boxing match, when my fiance participated in intramural boxing at the Air Force Academy. I walked in the gym just as he stepped in the ring. I nearly fainted when he got hit and his nose started bleeding. I was not amused when he ran over to me, face bloodied up after the match and tried to hug me in victory because he won. I watched him box and referee boxing until he graduated and didn't watch boxing again for a long, long time. I like it a lot better on television and I really like it when Roy Jones, Jr. is boxing and wins...but that is a story for another time.
I could read past my bedtime and occasionally get away with it with nobody to rat me out. I could priss in front of my mirror and try on clothes to my heart's content. My room was just like I liked it, it was mine and it is where my adolescent dreams were formed and played out in my mind.
So, 9th grade stands out in my mind as the year I discovered that I like my own company and having my own space is a very good thing for me.
Oh! You make me want my own room again! Wouldn't that be lovely? A room just for me where no boys were allowed!
ReplyDeleteI hope for my sanity's sake that my own girls have their own rooms by that age, but for right now, I think that they will have a lot of fun! :o) And I'm with Annie. I want a space to call my own to sit and dream alone. Someplace QUIET. :o) Oh well, I am sure there is plenty of time for that later.
ReplyDeleteI love this post. I have been reading a book of essays by women and one of them is called "Hiding Out" -- about the need to have a place where we can get away and reflect about ourselves and the outside world. In the essay, the author calls them "vantage points" -- and they can be rooms of our own, attics, gazebos, even the library (if you can find a secluded spot).
ReplyDeleteAlso, my own secret activity (in the same town -- just down the road from you) was dancing by myself. I danced in what we called the "play room", on the balcony off of my bedroom and on the lawn in front of our house (always at night outdoors -- so nobody could see me). I didn't necessarily have music -- I just moved. It calmed me and kept me centered -- and probably kept the weight off! It also probably contributed to my being accepted into a modern dance honorary in college.